is what I am.

I wrote in the last few posts that there was some major decision making happening at the career front. Well, I resigned from my job,got relieved,went home,gave tests,took interviews and I am still jobless. Inability to decide what to go for,endless confusions,preparing oneself to take up some opportunity and witnessing it slip out just when I was so close to grab it. I cried to sleep umpteen number of times not because I failed,  but because I felt I deserved certain things that were grabbed off just because of there are plain idiots sitting at higher positions in organisations that are supposed to be the lifelines of an economy. People told me, not to dishearten myself,that I would have better opportunities in my kitty,that I deserve better,but deserving better should not really take off the things that you really deserved at that point of time. This evening too, I was teary-eyed for something that went wrong when I read this :

The story gave me goosebumps and taught an important lesson.

And, I realized how thankless have I been in the past few days just for the matter of some failures that almost everybody gets to face in their professional lives. It made me feel guilty for being self-centered,for cribbing over the smallest things.,Just when I realized, in this tough professional phase there are so many personal bounties I am blessed with. Parents calling me twice daily to check how am I doing,instilling faith,confidence and trust. A little sis with whom I can share my deepest fears and wildest fantasies, a dost who is always there no matter what time of the day it is, a city I know well and the comfort the place I stay gives me. I thank my stars,for not everybody gets a chance or rather the luxury to quit and decide.

I have had enough of a tensed “me”, because this is one decision I took for myself,nobody forced me or rather everybody encouraged me to move further with bigger dreams and aspirations and I now realize that nothing in life comes easy. That the struggles I face, are a part of the decision i took, and the pains I take today will promise me a happier and more satisfactory tomorrow.





I would love to………..

The sound of pitter patter of  mustard seeds in oil…..
The flavor of green chillies, ginger……
The colour of capsicum,tomatoes,corn,peas…….
The freshness of fenugreek, spinach and coriander leaves……
The smell of basmati rice boiling in water and corn on the cob……

These are some of the most important things that make cooking an essential dose to the soul for me. Its such a feeling of accomplishment when the vegetables are cooked in the right proportion,spices added to bring the right taste,mixing ingredients to experiment recipes and then the applause that my heart receives from myself…..:)

When rice boils in its full length and each particle is separate from the other after being fully cooked,when the smell of a tadka fills the house with that heavenly aroma….and my heart is full of joy……

Its not just the taste part of cooking that makes me cheer,the other aspects involve knowing the nutritive value of each and every ingredient added and taking care not to spoil the original taste of vegetables…..Knowing to balance the calorie intake and the fats…..and further to that hoping to build my own kitchen garden someday,plucking fresh organic vegetables and cooking them would be an absolute delight… see the those plants grow and taking care of each and every stage involved from flowering to bearing those wonderful green vegetables. That is still a long way to go…but I hope I do that sometime in future…….. 🙂

Then & Now ….

Then :

1. The first year in college + no mobile + a long line for that one land line connection that the hostel had + birthday+nostalgia = a wonderful surprise planned by a best friend and another best friends Mom+ another surprise planned by the newly made friends + a blunder done by inviting all seniors for a birth day bash = a fun filled first birth day away from home…

2. Classes that started at 7:00 am sharp,rush in the morning to start and the wonderful hours of sleep after returning,a college where an average of 8 hours were spent on a daily basis (that includes holidays),a library that was the witness of most of our group study hours read completing lab practical journals 🙂

3. The college hungry hours,a common room,one table, 3-4 tiffins,10-15 pairs of hands…..The college canteen,to reach where a small track with trees on both sides had to be followed….10 people walking in a line  to cross the same….

4. An evening,waking up at 7 after a long afternoon nap to find that chai time is over in the mess…rushing to the neighborhood chai stall after waking another friend…chai with yummy pakodas and green chutney…eating in a rush but chatting non-stop just to realise that the hostel gate will be closed at 8:00 PM sharp,taking a shortcut route and running like mad to reach just in time 😉

5. A definition of absolute fun after exams…a laptop loaded with English chick flicks enough to spend nights watching them back to back + packets of Maggi noodles for the mid night breaks and coffee mugs filled to brim with lather……

6. A college fest=  Preparing for the same a month in advance+ deciding upon the outfit to be worn+checking out the shops to find out something that fits in the budget + ending up borrowing from friends + accessories from the hostel mates = Finally the day arrives + hitting the dance floor like mad to the extent that the shoes start hurting in legs,legs aching to the extent that the joints are unable to move for the next two days ;)+hoping that the night never ends…. the aftermath= discussing the day in details for the coming few days + waiting for the pictures from that one and only friend in the group with a digi cam 😉

Now :

1. Office at 9:30,I get up at time,bath,pooja,yoga all come right after that 🙂 ( I am a good girl that ways ),head straight to office,sometimes without breakfast….reaching where sometimes i message a colleague/friend about the no breakfast thing,and here comes whatever she can bring,straight on my office desk….

2. The lesser friends time that has been haunting since the past 1 year(for a person who has been with the closest friends for 6 years) makes me sad to the core but there comes one friend who has been a part of my life since long,someone who gets to bear a dose for all that lack of friends,midnight food cravings,home sickness,happy hugs and sad tears,I can’t be more thankful for this one gem in my life

3. There have been parties and fun but I miss those old days,where with the limited money in hand we had the craziest fun,the non stop laughter..celebrations are still there,but they lack the familiar voices and love,the aura of sophistication and non familiar people,the pubs and the bars,no water-parks and water-falls,when a birth day party would be fun because of the people and not the place…I miss the innocent days where I could just be myself, when I would not have to worry talking about my interests,my favorites,everything would be accepted if not appreciated….

4. The being independent phase,emotionally,financially… what I feel good about,it keeps me sane and confident

5. The city that I live in,I love the weather,the cool breeze that makes the hottest summers cool and the weary nights refreshing….

6. The office colleagues,people of the same age group who joined the company at the same time,takes me back to the hostel days,giggles,laughter,fights….

Then & Now:

Wonderful Parents who stand like a pillar in all situations,lows and highs,who taught me to be honest to oneself,made me what I am….a rebel for a sister ;),who incidentally happens to be the cutest thing that ever happened to me…… 🙂

A set of lovely friends,from all phases of my  life….who handle all my worries n troubles in equal share….
and I thank the Almighty on my 25th Birthday……… for 

Some things that do not change…..wherever life leads me …and
Some things that change forever ……….for the better 🙂 🙂

No Boredom ahead ………

Boredom…………I always wanted to analyse the term…..what does it actually it about not being able to do what you really want,being stuck up with something that seems dull to you,or doing what is same every single day….I guess boredom is one thing that all individuals feel at some point of time in their lives….The same has been happening to me every single day in the past one week which has eventually led me to write about Boredom(i feel its quite weird for someone to write about a topic as weird as this ;))
At every single stage in life till now,barring the childhood days when the mind was not so free to think about tedium(since there were lots of other inquisitions,dreams that never let the mind so jobless)….everything that continued for a long duration without a break would become boring and difficult to carry out any further….If I examine my life practically,when i moved from college to work,Boredom started haunting me more often than ever before.Every fifteen twenty days at work once i feel as if life has no meaning other than waiting for salary to come every last day of the month ;))But just a few days back i realised that not everybody’s life would be full of many new things on and off,many new achievements,a milestone at every stage to cherish,refresh and motivate,all of us would settle down doing the same set of things after a certain point of time….and all those things would be what we call as life…..and I realised,”How can I be bored of LIFE”??
And then I came to a conclusion that Boredom is just a state of my mind and I will have to ensure that my daily routine does not lead me to it,Yes routines would be same but some spice can be added to that too,Listing below how would i do that :
  •  Keep dreaming the same way i used to when i was a small kid and not letting them die beacuse my life has taken a turn different from what i dreamt of
  • Will have to keep finding newer, innovative ways in my work, which would prevent my work to be monotonous
  • Will have to try taking risks and responsibilities,being a liitle more proactive would rather help
  • Would spend more time to my hobbies,reading, dancing, cooking and keep adding to what I am good at
  • Giving the mind and heart a dose of self content by doing good and getting praise;)(after all being recognised for the good is equally important)
  • Looking forward to achievements, however small they might be(achievements are a source of self pride ;))
  • Would not force myself to do things that my mind forces to do, even when they are unimportant(I do them just because the mind is more towards the analytical side and wants things to be perfect)
  • Would not burden myself with expectations but would look forward to continuous growth and make efforts for the same
  • Enjoy the fact that it is wonderful to be imperfect at times 🙂 🙂
  • Will take responsibility for decisions and would not regret them but rather try to avoid mistakes for the next ones to be taken
Life is not going to be a saga of great milestones achieved always, but it would definitely be a celebration of simple and stupid stuff that goes around it and i promise myself that i wont ever get bored of LIFE :):)

Mann Lafanga Bada ;)

Mann lafanga bada, Apne mann ki kare……
Yun tou mera hi hai,mujhse bhi na dare…….

Bheege bheege khayalon mein khoya rahe……
Main sambhal ja kahoon woh  fisalta rahe……..
Just was listening to this song when realised some crazy facts about my “Mann ;)” :
  • The “mann” wants to go back from where it started,it always have to crib and cry about things and when it finally gets the desired thing,it realises this was not that it wanted
  • It would think of all the possible ways to keep itself busy,to be the most utilized in the rat race of so called “intelligence” but it really wants to be in that child like state always,no inhibitions,no rules,it wants to be a free bird on one side but the other side forces to be what the world considers acceptable 😦 Poor thing, how to balance the extremes?? :(:(
  • Has the ability to look calm but inside it would have killed the other person i dont know how many times (over something that was unacceptable to my “mann”),why does’nt it have the independence to answer straight on face….and enjoy the surprise by which people are taken aback ;)It wants the guts to tell people”Shut Up, I know better than you,keep those suggestions and advices with yourself 🙂 🙂
It needs wings to fly even if its just for a day,left upon by itself,free of everything that inhibits,binds…….I wonder if such a day would come :):)